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The year is 2018. It’s been over 5 years since I’ve delved into writing anything like this. Back in those days I was delivering pizza and could tune out personal responsibility.

Now I’m out of a nearly decade long relationship and with another woman, while also with another job. This one has led me into the private lives of some very well off people, the type I might build a straw man of and castigate for pleasure. A lot of these well off southerners are responsible for putting the president in office. Plenty of do-gooder, boot-licker white folks just crave control over their lives and others. I’ve patiently perceived the people around me during these last 5 years.

I’ve kept to myself.

I resigned to society’s intellectual defeat.

Attention spans and vocabulary have dwindled while college prices have doubled. I skipped out on that step of being a servant but advanced to dedicating my mind to my job – like most well-to-do wiz kids. This has left little inclination or energy to fight any mental crusades or preach from any ivory towers. The opposite, apathy, has really been my comfort zone. The news is reality TV about DC, people’s discussions on the news is a cliched cesspool, and the only reason anyone cares about anything is anger.

My only desire now is to escape. My ideal escape is nostalgia. I can sense that media from decades ago, old TV shows, interviews, music, movies — everyone just seemed more at ease. People were less apathetic while being less afraid. 2 wars and 2 economic collapses later and we have an apathetically anti-intellectual population because ignorance is the closest thing left to bliss.

That’s not to say it hasn’t come in style these past 5 years, with the ubiquity of the internet in our pockets, to proudly proclaim any number of identifying ideas. Usually pertaining to one’s self, however. Gay, transgender, woman, brown, fat, feminist, diseased, abused – pick your poison and get attention.

As I sit here invariably adding to the negativity I’m hypocritically chastising, I’ll leave you with a hypothetical. Where are the big ideas? Where are the men who wanted to go to the moon? Where are the men who had a dream? When did modern life become so meaningless? As I’ll paraphrase from Interstellar, we used to look up and dream about going to the stars and now all we do is look down and think about our place in the dirt.

I feel like the world is running out of reasons to smile while simultaneously being exponentially more entertained. Why do we kill ourselves just to kill time?


What the guy in the video down there says, basically, is that with so many choices available to us, we build very high expectations and they are hardly ever met, let alone exceeded. In relation to the usual perpetuated within this blog, this paradox of choice, where less really is more, is only an affluent problem, a Western one. A problem of too much of a good thing, a paradox.

I suppose that’s good for me, because, otherwise, I couldn’t sit here with my wireless keyboard staring at a 37″ LCD listening to big headphones. Or tell you all about it. The privileges of being white. Louis CK had something on that, once:

What do you do? Apparently the lady friend asked a question in her psych class today – are people depressed for non personal reasons? Nope. None of her classmates could imagine it, either. It could be existential, however. What would you call a perceived human “inflation” where, with exponentially more people being labeled “consumers” and your only attainable purpose seems material? Personal? Existential? Non personal? All of the above?

Which makes ya wonder, as a white person, with existential dilemma…what’s the scientific solution? What if a career move is the only move you can make other than therapy or drugs? What if you can’t find existential meaning in a paycheck and don’t believe it is a “…measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society”? These are the hurdles of whiteness in today’s world.

I suppose religion is the default answer in a lot of cases. I have no answer. Science and religion both offer an explanation of something from nothing, a free lunch, having your cake and eating it, too. Another paradox. Both try to explain everything about everything and therefore, as “reality” is “truth” there should be no real choice in the matter. Does Truth always tow Should. Is the DSM a guide to morality? Do we only accumulate knowledge that coincidentally seems to prove how little we really know? Once the center of the universe, for all we knew, and with all of scientific progress we now know, we are merely mustached monkeys in a barely visible drop of a 14 billion year old ocean which was once “nothing.” That’s not the only paradox, as the only thing with the quality of perfect is “nothing” as it is perfectly, uniformly, 100%, nothing. It took a (literal) quantum fuck-up, some imbalance of “virtual particles”,  to start the chain reaction of imperfection which coalesced into us. Scientifically speaking…

Nothing is perfect. Truth.


Not counting any other forms of energy but oil…

…which is here because all life on this planet died and cooked under our feet for hundreds of millions of years…

We use 90,000,000 barrels a day. Roughly 1,000 barrels a second….

…one barrel is 42 gallons, which can be converted into about 20 gallons worth of gas…

…one gallon of gas is 500 hours or so of human labor…

…a 75 year life span is 657,000 hours including sleep…

500 hours x 20 gallons x 1000 barrels = 10,000,000 hours of human labor…

………meaning, allowing for sleep, the life’s labor of 22 human slaves is consumed every second  to make the clock of capitalism tick and, as a special bonus offer!!!— it’s required the clock ticks faster or else debt (=money) doesn’t work…

(For a total of 900 billion [/7 billion = 128 per capita] hours of labor a day…thus putting us ‘beyond our means’ of what we could produce with our hands alone, as in our evolutionary past, by a factor of 8:1, if the entire earth slaved from wake to sleep. Then, since I’m an Uh-Merrican, I use 25% of the energy as 5% of the population….and ‘full time’ couch potatoes work 40 hours, so that jumps to 112:1 in this country.)

….hmmmm…as a side note, I wonder what this kind of exploitation does for the ego that developed in those world made by hand days of yonder?

Say, did you see the new episode of 16 and Pregnant on MTV???????OMG YOU HAVE 2 SEE IT!@@@#!!! 

(part 3 fails – full movie here: